Reclaiming Myself

I heard this yesterday when I attended my first MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting as a mother (I was a guest the first time I went to a meeting years ago). Yes, I've joined MOPS, in search of myself, possible new friends, and hopefully new friends and great experiences for my boys.
My radar was on as I left my boys with other children their ages; Tristan in one room, Zachary in another. I was anxious to leave them, wondering how they were doing. My anxiety played music on my bladder, which sent me to the ladies' room more than once. Not a bad thing, as the restrooms were within stone's throw of the playrooms. I poked my head in on each one, making sure things were going well. Tristan was more interested in exploring until he got into the room where the kids were a year younger, and with the buzz and tons more toys, he settled in better. Until he becomes more acquainted with going to our new twice-a-month adventure, he'll be with the younger group, which is fine with me for now. Zachary attached himself to a caregiver who was wonderful with him. Towards the end of the the two hours we were there, both my guys unraveled a bit, and I knowing that it was pushing towards lunch time and possible naps, readied myself with the other moms to reclaim our children and go home.
With my boys' adventure into this new territory, I myself had found-even with being in tune with my boys-a place to connect with new people. I don't remember everyone in my group (there are quite a few moms who come to this group and we are divided into groups for discussion after a speaker makes a presentation) but I do remember actually feeling like being a part of a group of women, something I've not felt in quite some time. I had this feeling when I was in my undergrad program, which sometimes feels like another lifetime ago. My college friends have gone their way, keeping in touch via the cyber world. Yet, even as I make my way through the realm of "mom of small children," I have felt alone for most of my walk at this point in sharing in today's post. I've met other moms, even a couple of dads who stay home, having the playgroup time to actually talk to another adult. Yet, when group has come to a close for that day, we all go our separate ways, not connecting outside of the group time. Its not to say that it doesn't happen, as I've heard stories of some parents connecting with each other away from group. I feel disconnected. I have kept in touch with one mom until recently, of whom I still hear bits and pieces of what she's doing now that she's the mother of two boys, just like me. That's when the light came on. Go out into the world to find others like you who are looking to connect with another adult; don't sit and wait for someone to come looking for you.
So, as I sat and listened to others answer questions about themselves, which was something we all participated in, I realized that I'm not alone. I don't have to do it all and especially trying to do it all and not connect with another mom who's like me, feeling like she's got to do it all. One of the questions I didn't get a chance to answer was what are my passions, and if I had all the time in the world, what would I do with it? Well, here's my answer. My passions lie in the world of the creative. I am an artisan by nature, genes, and family history. To name a few, I sew, knit, cook, and write; the list is never ending, as I've learned to feed my creative nature. If I had all the time in the world, I would most likely do exactly what I'm doing now: give 100% to each of my children, and as I would also have more energy, make time for myself to work on my creative outlets. Best of all, I would continue to be thankful for every precious moment I am presented with each and every day.
Yes, I now realize what is happening for me in the most recent events of 2011. I am in search of reclaiming myself. Can I do it all? Perhaps I can but I have to realize and give in to the fact that I can't do it all at once and to strive for perfection is an illusion. Its about being present, making each and every moment count. There are going to be days where things are not going to get done, go well, and the feeling of being overwhelmed will rest heavy on my shoulders. But I'm not alone. And I don't have to kill myself to reach for the ring of success. Being a mother, an urban homestead manager, and every other hat that I wear, these are not jobs. They are roles in my life as a multi-tasking woman. My life's puzzle pieces are coming into shape, manifesting into what is to become in time. ~Momma